


alex, it's transcendent

by imnotyourhamilson



Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Developing Friendships, Gender Identity, Gender Neutral Character, Gender-Neutral Pronouns, Love Triangles, Other, Platonic Kissing, Trans Character, but its not serious at all, i'm only putting those relationships there bc they are briefly mentioned, oh god sooo many platonic kisses, only bc g wash is briefly mentioned
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-10
Updated: 2016-06-10
Packaged: 2018-07-14 04:43:41
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,124
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7154048
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/imnotyourhamilson/pseuds/imnotyourhamilson
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“He likes to kiss his friends, okay? Don’t give yourself brain damage.”</p><p>“For once in my life… I have no words. I mean, you can get a serious cold by doing that.”</p><p>“I think it’s cute."</p>
            </blockquote>





	alex, it's transcendent

**Author's Note:**

> this takes place right in-between "coming out" okay I even added some dialogue from that specific chapter into this story bc I wanted to add more to the plot even though my consistency with this fic isn't worth shit. anyways enjoy *fox trots alone*
> 
> here is "coming out" for those who haven't read it and who care about chronological heart break:  
> http://archiveofourown.org/works/7001068

It happened quickly, so quickly that the other studying students didn’t have to take a second glance and the librarian didn’t have to threaten them to leave for the brief, chaste public display of affection. Alex was the only shocked one after witnessing the scene, and everyone else didn’t even bat an eye. 

“What the hell was that?” Alex whispers harshly, who plays the exhibition in their head once more. 

_John, Alex, and Mulligan sit at a table together in a secluded section of the library, either quietly studying notes or typing out papers and concepts. John has a class at 2:15 and his phone vibrates promptly to remind him to get a head start, knowing that his class was across campus. He gathers his things quickly and stuffs the items into his backpack. He verbally says goodbye to Hamilton, smiling sweetly with his gaze lingering on Alex’s studious expression. John then turns to Mulligan, grinning cheek to cheek before taking Mulligan’s round face in his hands. John bends over and leaves an artless kiss right on Mulligan’s lips. John beams before casually walking out of the library._

“What?” Mulligan questions, looking up from his notes with his pen still upright in his hand, ready to inscribe.

Alex knits their eyebrows together in frustration, adjusting their weight carefully in their seat. Alex leans forward towards Mulligan in order to be heard more clearly. “Don’t act stupid,” Alex says. “What the hell was that? With Laurens?”

“Why are you freaking out?” Mulligan wonders curiously, leaning forward as well.

“Dude, Laurens just _kissed you_ ,” Alex enunciates. 

“Yeah. And?”

“I just- I don’t know, I’m… What the hell?”

“You haven’t been paying attention to John lately, have you?” Mulligan shakes his head, looking back to his notes with smirk. Alex gives Mulligan a confused face, silently egging Mulligan on. Of course, Alex has been paying attention to John- their _best friend for Christ’s sake._

“Platonic kisses,” the other student says blatantly, expecting his companion to understand. When Alex doesn’t respond, Mulligan rolls his eyes and leans back in his chair. “They’re like… John’s new thing.” 

Alex opens their mouth to say something but then closes it, crossing their arms and developing that _look_ that everyone can recognize. The look that meant the wheels in their head were turning.

“He likes to kiss his friends, okay? Don’t give yourself brain damage.”

“For once in my life… I have no words,” Alex mumbles. “I mean, you can get a serious cold by doing that.”

“I think it’s cute,” Mulligan giggles, crumpling up a scratch piece of paper and throwing it lightly at Alex’s face. 

For the next few days, Alex observes Laurens.

Laurens pecks Eliza’s lips in greeting, who smiles in acknowledgment. He also kisses Lafayette in the cold, brisk air when the trio had a picnic on the ice, only because Lafayette laughed at John’s joke which wasn’t even that funny. And every single time Peggy walked him back to his dorm, John hugged her tight before giving her a transcendent kiss.

Then one night, the two college students are in John’s dorm room completely alone. 

“You know what I have just realized this very second?” Alex suddenly suggests.

“What?”

“You would look so hot in drag. I’m talking like so fucking _**extraordinary**_ ,” Alex muses, sitting up on the couch and nodding excitedly.

John scrunches his nose and shakes his head. “No way,” he laughs. “I could not pull that off.”

“You totally could!” Alex says, convinced. “We could like… Tease up your hair and borrow some of Peggy’s makeup because your skin tone is pretty close to hers-”

“I couldn’t pull it off. I’m ugly,” John interjects jokingly.

Alex’s face suddenly turns serious. They sit up straight and stare at John as if he just said something extremely offensive. “You are not ugly,” they frown.

“Alex, c’mon, don’t take this so critically,” John whispers dismissively, finding great interest in the seam of his jeans because _damn, he really did not want Alex to focus on him this much_.

Then, much to his dismay, John can feel Alex’s hands on his cheeks, lifting his face in order to look at the person next to him. Alex’s dark eyes are worried and and the frown refuses to leave their face. “Don’t… say things like that,” Alex demands. “You shouldn’t say things about yourself that aren’t true.”

John then feels completely overwhelmed and his heart swells because him and Alex are _such close friends_ and before he could even stop himself, he leans forward. His lips only manage to brush Alexander’s before they turn away. 

“Whoa, whoa,” Alex panics, pushing John away and creating some much needed distance between them. “N-No,” they continue. “I don’t know what you want from me but I don’t… Do that sort of thing, okay?"

“It- Uh, it’s just a kiss,” John stammers. “Strictly platonic.”

“I know, I know,” Alex rushes, shaking their head and running their fingers through their thick hair. “It’s just.. Hard for me, I guess. And I know this must be weird for you because all of our friends accept your kisses like they’re fucking _tokens_ \- and believe me, I would kiss you if I wasn’t so… Fucked up, I guess.” Alex then laughs embarrassingly, covering their face with the palm of their hand. “I’m sorry. I was rambling.”

“No, don’t apologize,” John says in a low voice, worried he had pushed his best friend’s boundaries. “I’m the one who should be apologizing.”

“We both can be sorry,” Alex chuckles.

“So,” John exclaims, desperate to change the subject. “How is that internship at that one law firm going? Do you like it?”

Alex suddenly blushes, looking down at their fidgeting hands and smiling as if they had a secret in their back pocket. “Like it? No, I love it. It’s, uh… It’s really great. Angelica and, uhm, Washington- they’re _brilliant_.”

“That’s really good, Alex,” John beams. “I’m really happy for you.”

Alex returns the smile and John gets that old, familiar feeling again. His heart swells because he really does _hate_ lying to his best friend. Platonic? Yes, for everyone else. But for Alex? _Never_.

So John lifts his fingers up to his lips, kissing his pointer and middle finger before stretching them out to Alex. He then brushes the digits against Alex’s lips, who smiles softly at the gesture. John wants to say something. God, anything along the lines of _I wish things between us weren’t so difficult_ or _I think I’m in love with you_ or even _I can tell from the look in your eyes that you don’t feel the same way_. But he doesn’t. And he knows that he probably won’t ever have the courage to.


End file.
